Miss Bacon's Necklace

A Pig Tale by Marlene Brady

Don’t go bacon my heart--I’m apologizing ahead of time (to save my own hide), but you know what a ham I am.

I’m bacon out here in the desert and got boar-ed. In the mood for some humor, I purchased one of Leslie Blackford’s pig pendants and I made some polymer clay bacon to go with it.  A stroke of Ein-swine, I thought. Squealing so loud, I almost hurt myself and had to call a hambulance.  Strung them on a cable necklace using Hamma Beads for spacers. Oh lardy, lardy, it looks good I thought.  Hogwash you say?  Wouldn’t you hock anything for this?  Of kosher you would.  I knew you could be suede.

So, here’s my pig tale.

I wore it on Fry-day and had an urge to watch Hamlet, but instead, I jumped in my pigup truck and went to Porkopolous.  Parked in a no porking zone and almost got a porking ticket.  I walked in the door and it was a hambush.  I was hogging the limelight; surrounded by bacon admirers.  They never sausage a thing.  I’m not loin. Thank goodness there were no pigpockets.  I left in a hurry, driving like a road hog.

I thought Miss Bacon's Necklace might be featured in “Porks Illustrated”, but, no -- snout their style.

Kevin Bacon wanted this necklace, but I couldn’t part with it if I fried.  I know you are rooting for more, but I’m done ribbin you.